


He'd Lie

by onacoldnight



Category: VIXX
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8469556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onacoldnight/pseuds/onacoldnight
Summary: Jaehwan lives in a lie.





	

_Jaehwan doesn’t think that the passenger seat in the bus he’s riding at has ever looked that great to him._

“That bastard, he stole my game console.” Sanghyuk mutters under his breath, his nose scrunched up.

“Chill.” Jaehwan calms him down, his hand flies to pat Sanghyuk’s shoulder, and he can feel the anger from the latter’s warmth. “Let Wonshik have the console, he beat you up last night on the rapping contest. You needed to follow the deal.”

“But Jaehwan, it was my first time getting lost in the rapping contest!” Sanghyuk blabbers, his eyes boring a hole on the leather seat in front of them. “I’m sure he bribed the judges.”

“Victory is not always yours, Sanghyuk.”

_Sanghyuk keeps on talking on how Wonshik sucks at rapping, but Jaehwan distracts himself on counting the colors in Sanghyuk’s eyes. He can see everything even though it hides perfectly in those orbs: red in fury, dark brown in sadness, and white in innocence._

He’s still looking until Sanghyuk waves his hands in front of his face. “Jaehwan? Are you listening?”

“What?” Jaehwan blinks, and blush suddenly creeps up his face. He hopes that Sanghyuk doesn’t see it, or if he does, just keep it to himself.

“We’re already here at school, come on.” Sanghyuk drags him by the wrist, and Jaehwan lets himself to be pulled by his friend.

 

***

 

“I miss her!” Hakyeon groans, his face buried on his crossed arms on the table.

“It’s just one week, Hakyeon. Keep your hormones to yourself.” Jaehwan chuckles, and Hakyeon glares at him pointedly before heaving a sigh.

Hakyeon straightens up and pouts. “You don’t know how it feels when the love of your life is beyond your reach.” He says. “You don’t know how it feels to be in love.”

Jaehwan stiffens for a second, and Sanghyuk drapes an arm around him.

“Hey Hakyeon, don’t be too hard on our Jaehwannie.” Sanghyuk pinches Jaehwan’s cheek with his free hand. “Of course Jaehwan know how it feels to be in love, he just doesn’t tell us. Right, Jaehwan?”

Jaehwan just gives him a sheepish smile, trying to fit himself comfortably on Sanghyuk’s arm.

“How about you, Sanghyuk?” Hakyeon asks.

“What about me?” he replies, removing his arm above Jaehwan’s shoulder. Jaehwan feels disappointed because of the loss, and he never notices his bottom lip jut in displeasure.

“Have you been in love?”

_“I haven’t and I’ll never fall in love.” Sanghyuk swears as he runs his fingers through his hair._

_“How sure are you?” Jaehwan retorts, laughing. He’s hoping that Sanghyuk is wrong._

“One hundred and one percent sure.” He answers with certainty in his tone.

 

***

 

“You know what, Jaehwan?” Sanghyuk breaks the forty-minute silence as they practice for their presentation together.

Jaehwan lifts his head from memorizing the lyrics on the music sheets and stares up at Sanghyuk who is tuning his guitar. “What?”

 _“I think I like someone.”_ He says flatly, like he is just telling Jaehwan that the sky is blue, the grass is green.

Jaehwan feels his heart drops down to his stomach, and he holds up that thing forming on the brim of his eyes. “I thought you said you’ll never fall in love?”

“Well,” Sanghyuk gives him one of his charming smiles that Jaehwan used to love over the past years of their friendship. _“Joke!”_

Jaehwan blinks, not registering what Sanghyuk has said. “What?”

“You don’t get it?” Sanghyuk asks dejectedly.

Jaehwan shakes his head. What does Sanghyuk means by joke?

“I’m just joking, okay? That I like someone.” he clarifies. “I’m just lifting up the atmosphere. It looks like you’re really tensed on our upcoming presentation.”

 _Finally realizing his point, Jaehwan fakes a smile._ “Yeah, I’m really nervous right now.”

“You need to loosen yourself up a bit, Jaehwan.” Sanghyuk suggests. “Your eyes look like it’s gonna pop out of its sockets.”

Jaehwan manages to chuckle, and when he comes back to memorizing, he hears Sanghyuk strum a few chords from his newly-tuned guitar.

“Do you know all of my favorite songs, Jaehwan?” Sanghyuk strikes up another conversation.

_Yeah, Jaehwan knows all of Sanghyuk’s favourite songs. He likes Justin Timberlake, he listens to Justin Bieber on the way to school and –_

“Of course, I don’t.”

“I don’t know why you are my friend.”

 

***

 

“Sanghyuk already says that he doesn’t need a gift, why are you still insisting on buying him one?”

_“I think Sanghyuk will like this shirt because this is green.” Jaehwan lifts up a green shirt and inspects it. “Perfect gift.”_

“Jaehwan.” Hakyeon calls him. “You’re so stubborn.”

“Why?” Jaehwan frowns at him. “What if Sanghyuk is against on giving him gifts? I can do what I want.”

“Whatever.” Hakyeon tsks pitifully at his friend, sure that Jaehwan will never listen to him whatever he is going to say.

_It happens that Sanghyuk’s birthday is celebrated on June 5th even though his real birthday is on July 5th. Just because of a stupid mistake on his birth registry, he has dual birthdays now._

“Happy birthday, Sanghyuk!” Jaehwan cheers, revealing the gift he has been hiding behind him.

Sanghyuk stares at the neatly wrapped box in front of him. “What’s this?”

“Isn’t it obvious? My gift for you!”

Sanghyuk shakes his head unhappily. “I already told you that you don’t have to buy me a gift, your presence is fine with me.”

“But Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan protests, “it’s your birthday and don’t you think it’s unfair if you don’t receive any gift just because you constantly reject to have one?”

Sanghyuk buries his hand on his face, his other hand on his hips. “I don’t want to argue right now, Jaehwan. It’s my birthday.”

_“But you’re the one initiating the argument.” Jaehwan retorts. “Please, just stop arguing with me and accept this okay? Don’t make me feel worse than what I am right now.”_

Sanghyuk hesitantly takes Jaehwan’s gift and mutters a soft “Thanks.”

When Sanghyuk excuses himself to entertain some guests, he is surprised to see someone coming up to him. She is exceptionally beautiful, and Jaehwan wonders her relationship with Sanghyuk. He saddens at the thought that maybe this girl approaching him is a special someone, and jealousy discreetly washes over him.

“Hi!” the girl sits beside him. “It’s my first time seeing you here, mind to know your name?”

Jaehwan contemplates on saying his name to her, but he does otherwise. “I’m Jaehwan, Sanghyuk’s friend.”

“Oh! You must be the Jaehwan he is talking about!” the girl immediately grabs his hand to shake it. “I’m Sanghyuk’s sister. I’ve been in Japan for five years so maybe this is the first time you see me.”

Sister…

So she is Sanghyuk’s sister.

_No wonder she is beautiful. It must be really on the Han’s genes, he assumes._

“Nice to meet you.” he bows slightly.

“You can call me noona, Jaehwan.” She waves her hand frantically. “After all you’re like a brother to Sanghyuk, so you can treat me as a big sister too.”

If not for her, Jaehwan must have snorted at the remark. Brother, he’s like a brother to Sanghyuk.

What does he expect anyway? It’s already given.

He’s just a friend.

 

***

 

Jaehwan washes his hands on the sink when Sanghyuk emerges from the cubicle inside the boys’ bathroom. Sanghyuk approaches him and begins to wash his hands also.

He stares at his friend’s eyes from his reflection in the mirror while he is washing himself, and he forgets the running water on the faucet.

Sanghyuk lifts his head and stares at Jaehwan curiously.

“Jaehwan –”

_“You know what? You have the same eyes as your father.” Jaehwan blurts out loud, and his eyes widen, finally realizing what he has said. He bites the insides of his cheeks just to prevent himself from flushing. He never intended to say it out loud!_

“What…” Sanghyuk trails off, but then he grins bashfully, turning off the faucet on his and Jaehwan’s sink. “I thought it’s only Mom who notices it.”

 

  
***

 

Jaehwan hears the persistent knocks on his apartment’s door and he groans in annoyance, burying his face on his fluffy pillow.

When the knocks don’t stop, he abruptly sits up and throws his blanket beside him. He once again grunts when the light from his phone illuminates his whole face and he needs to adjust his eyesight from it. “What the hell, it’s twelve midnight.”

He stands up and decides not to switch the light on, and makes his way towards the main door. His roommate Hakyeon is currently staying over his girlfriend’s house and Jaehwan has the apartment to himself.

He is ready to yell at whoever is disturbing his precious sleep, but then his jaw hangs when he opens the door, no words coming out of his mouth.

“Sanghyuk? What are you doing here?”

Sanghyuk just stares at him, and if Jaehwan will squint, he can see the tears forming in Sanghyuk’s eyes.

“Can I stay here for the night, Jaehwan?”

Jaehwan opens the door widely, accommodating Sanghyuk. “Sure, you can stay.”

Sanghyuk quietly sits on the couch, and Jaehwan is already inquisitive as to why Sanghyuk acts oddly. He is about to flick the lights on when Sanghyuk stops him.

“Don’t,” it sounds hoarse and tired, and it seems like Sanghyuk ran a ten-kilometer lane.

Jaehwan hears sniffling and he silently walks to sit beside Sanghyuk. “Sanghyuk, are you crying?”

“No,” Sanghyuk denies.

_Jaehwan has memorized Sanghyuk for so long that he knows whether he is crying or not._

“Sanghyuk,” he calls once again. “You’re lying.”

Sanghyuk huffs, though Jaehwan cannot see if he’s just controlling himself from sobbing or he’s really huffing.

“I don’t let anyone see me cry.” He answers, sighing when he figures out that he can’t fool Jaehwan.

“What happened?”

When Sanghyuk doesn’t answer him, Jaehwan stands up. “You can talk to me whenever you want. I’m letting you alone. Just call me if you need me.”

Jaehwan goes back to his room and gathers his extra blankets for Sanghyuk. When he comes back, he sees Sanghyuk already lying on the couch, his arm covering his eyes.

“Here are your blankets,” Jaehwan puts down the blankets above the coffee table. “Sorry, Hakyeon is with his girlfriend, and he brought the spare keys to his room. He must be hiding something.” He laughs just to elevate the mood, but it seems like Sanghyuk is not buying his joke.

He sighs inwardly and walks away once again to go back to his room to finally sleep, letting Sanghyuk all alone by himself, when he feels a light tug on his wrist.

“Stay.” Sanghyuk mumbles. “I don’t want to be alone.”

Jaehwan and Sanghyuk are now lying side by side on the floor, a blanket covering them. They have been facing the ceiling since they got on the floor, no one has been speaking but they are both wide awake. Jaehwan can’t sleep because of his friend’s presence beside him, and he wonders if Sanghyuk’s the same.

“He’s not my real mom.” Sanghyuk breaks the silence. “I’m an illegitimate child.”

Jaehwan doesn’t respond and waits for Sanghyuk to continue.

“My real mom died after giving birth to me, and then dad took me home – to his real family.” He continues, his voice quite muffled from sobbing silently earlier.

There’s a pregnant silence, only their breathings can be heard. When he hears some ruffling of blankets and turns his head to look at his friend, Sanghyuk is already staring at him.

“What do you think?” Sanghyuk asks.

Jaehwan knits his eyebrows in confusion. “What?”

“Am I supposed to be angry at them because they lied to me?”

Jaehwan shrugs. “It’s not your fault if you’re angry at the moment, I mean, everyone gets angry when they are fooled by a person who they trust so much.” His hands instinctively reach up to touch the corners of Sanghyuk’s mouth and his thumbs lift it to make him smile. “But your sister and your mom love you, right? They treated you as their own.”

Sanghyuk nods, agreeing to Jaehwan.

“Then you shouldn’t let your anger eat you.” Jaehwan says finally. “You can be angry for the meantime, but remember to come back to them when you’re ready, okay?”

“Thank you, Jaehwan.” Sanghyuk holds Jaehwan’s hands that are still touching his face. “I’m really lucky to have you as my friend.”

Jaehwan fakes a smile once again.

 

***

 

“Who is she?” Hakyeon points at a girl sitting across Sanghyuk on the other table near them.

They were situated on one table, ready to eat their lunch when a girl shyly approached them and asked Sanghyuk if she could talk to him for a few minutes.

“His partner for their project,” he answers, unconsciously stabbing his spaghetti with a fork, utterly disappointed that Sanghyuk isn’t his project partner. He twirls the pasta around the fork, lets it fall back on the plate, stabbing it once again. He silently curses his teacher for having a girl-boy combination on the project.

“Aww.” Hakyeon tuts out loud, more than enough to irritate Jaehwan’s nerves. “With the way Sanghyuk looks at her, I think he’s going to break his words.”

“Words?” Jaehwan turns around just to see Sanghyuk laughing manically, his arms flailing around. His heart clenches in hurt and he glumly turns around to face Hakyeon. He remembers what Sanghyuk has said few weeks ago. He’ll never fall in love.

“The boy is getting in love!” Hakyeon teases out loud and Sanghyuk automatically shouts back, “Shut up, Hakyeon!”

_Jaehwan’s appetite loses in an instant, and he silently hopes that Hakyeon doesn’t see him wishing that someday, Sanghyuk will be his._

 

***

 

“Why don’t you just tell him?”

Jaehwan fiddles with the hem of Sanghyuk’s favourite green shirt, the one his friend left in his apartment when he slept over last week. Jaehwan wears it without a second thought, Sanghyuk’s scent still lingers on the fabric.

He already knows what Hakyeon is talking about, but he doesn’t respond. He lets the stillness enshrouds his guilt.

“Jaehwan,” Hakyeon sits across him on the living room. “You’re hurting.”

“I’m not,” Jaehwan refutes. “Do I look like I’m hurt?”

_Hakyeon scoffs, crossing his arms across his chest. “Tell me the truth, Jaehwan. Do you love him or not?”_

Jaehwan lifts his head, his hands now clutching at Sanghyuk’s shirt.

_“I don’t.”_

 

***

 

Jaehwan sees Sanghyuk leaning on the wall, his foot propped up. He hides on the post on the hallway, silently watches him glance around, and it seems like he is waiting for someone.

He is too shy to approach him, because of a reason that he is the only one who can understand. He never notices that he has been holding his breath while ogling at him.

He waits also, like what Sanghyuk has been doing, and then a girl a lot shorter than him comes into view, and he can notice the wide grin that spreads on his friend’s face. She is Sanghyuk’s project partner.

They walk away, leaving Jaehwan standing behind that post – that damned post that will support him if he ever collapses.

_If he can only tell him how he holds his breath every time they are together._

 

***

 

_“You never told me that you can play guitar, Sanghyuk.” Hakyeon mutters. “If I only knew, you could have been my guitarist when I serenaded my girlfriend.”_

“You didn’t ask me.” Sanghyuk swings his guitar on his shoulder, ready for his and Jaehwan’s presentation.

“You know it, Jaehwan?” Hakyeon turns to look at Jaehwan, who only gives him a sorry smile.

“You didn’t ask me.” Jaehwan imitates Sanghyuk’s answer and tone, and Sanghyuk gives him a fist-bump while laughing.

“Traitors.” Hakyeon scowls at them. “If you only knew how much I paid that Hongbin just to have him play guitar for my girlfriend.”

When their presentation starts, Sanghyuk sits on the stool beside Jaehwan. The latter grips on the lyric sheet too tightly, scared that he may pronounce the English lyrics wrong.

“Relax, Jaehwan,” Sanghyuk whispers and Jaehwan feels his heart squeeze in both happiness and sadness.

Even though Sanghyuk strums on his guitar carefully, his eyes still search for Jaehwan every single time, making Jaehwan stutter on few words and get out of tune.

_Jaehwan thinks that Sanghyuk can see through everything with the way he smiles encouragingly at him, except for the fact that he can’t look directly through his heart. It disappoints him, because that’s the only way he can tell Sanghyuk how he feels towards him – the feelings his mouth cannot utter out loud._

 

***

 

He wakes up, only to see Sanghyuk sleeping beside him, eyelashes fluttering on his pale cheeks, snoring loudly. He pinches himself, wondering if Sanghyuk is just an illusion. He winces at the pain, and Sanghyuk is not there. He’s just an illusion that he can’t attempt to shake off from his mind.

_He laughs bitterly at himself on how he wishes that one day his fantasies will come true, that he will be waking up beside Sanghyuk, mumbling softly on his ears how beautiful he is, and how he wants him to stay by his side forever._

_He grabs his bag from under his desk and proceeds on going to school, still praying for a miracle to happen._

 

***

 

“I told you, Sanghyuk will break his words.” Hakyeon nudges him with his elbow as he watches Sanghyuk talking with the girl, his project partner. Sanghyuk looks so nervous with the way he rubs the back of his neck intuitively.

_Jaehwan also watches, torturing his own heart in the process. He imagines the girl carefully choosing a green shirt for him for Valentine’s Day, giggling when Sanghyuk plays a guitar for her on White Day, frowning when they are arguing about something shallow, kissing him as his birthday gift, meeting his sister, noticing that Sanghyuk has the same eyes as his father, and proudly admitting to everyone that she loves Sanghyuk very much._

And when he hears Sanghyuk shouts a, “YES!” and hugs the girl tightly, he knows that he will be forever a friend.

_He can also imagine how Sanghyuk will take the green shirt his girlfriend gave him, blushing madly when his girlfriend says how great of a musician he is, moping while thinking of a plan to coax his girlfriend when they are in a fight, asking her kiss as his birthday gift, introducing her to his sister, mumbling a soft gratitude when she notices that he has the same eyes as his father, and selfishly telling the whole world how he loves his girlfriend so much._

Jaehwan is okay, he really is.

“You’re the only one that’s left, man.” Hakyeon chuckles while shaking his head in amusement.

Jaehwan doesn’t answer him, his mind still flying on possibilities and assumptions. What will happen to him after all of this? His hope dies down immediately, the truth finally sinking on him.

Sanghyuk will never be his.

“Jaehwan.” Hakyeon pats him on his shoulder, calling his attention. “I know it hurts, but –”

Jaehwan cuts him by holding his hand up. “What are you talking about?”

He sees Hakyeon peek behind him and he follows his gaze. Sanghyuk is already walking away with his girlfriend, holding her hand with a happy beam on his face.

“You love him, don’t you?” he whispers, barely inaudible in Jaehwan’s ears.

Jaehwan angles his head to his side, faking another smile. He already knows what to answer Hakyeon, as the word comes out on his mouth on impulse.

“No.”

_Of course, Jaehwan would lie again._

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a song, can you guess what song it is? >:D
> 
> comments are well appreciated, thank you! :)


End file.
